Connect. :D

Communication plays an important role in our daily life as it satisfies our needs. These are the needs that can be satisfied through communication with people around us.

Ambition Needs

• Achievement: To accomplish difficult tasks as well as to overcome obstacles
in our daily life.

• Exhibition: To make an impression on others in order to amaze others or vice
verse.

• Order: To put things in an orderly manner in an organization as well as to
satisfy the desire of balance and precision among one another.

Needs to Defend Status

• Dominance: To control one’s environment such as the social environment by
influencing others’ behavior and restraining others’ action.

Needs Related to Social Power

• Blame-avoidance: To avoid situations that may lead to embarrassment or
belittlement as well as to avoid humiliation with the use of suitable words.

Social Affection Needs

• Nurturance: To give sympathy to people around us who are helpless and
weak. Assist them in times of difficulties.

Each and every one of us have our own needs.In order to satisfy our personal needs, we need to interact with various people around us to satisfy our needs.

Our childhood attachment patterns lend to the way we view others around us.There are three patterns of adult relationship which are secure relationship style, avoidance relationship style and ambivalent relationship style.

In the adult secure relationship style, these people will find it easy to become close with others around.He/she enjoys relying on others and doesn't not worry about being abandoned by people around.These people do not having problems developing satisfying friendship as well as relationship as they believe in others.

For adult avoidance relationship style, these people do not have fate in others. He/she will feel uneasy when people get close and have emotional commitment to them. They are afraid of depending on others as they are always suspicious of the motives of others due to the fear of being disappointed and being abandoned.

The adult ambivalent relationship style is characterized by uncertainty about relationship.These people display high levels of constant reassurance and attention from their friends and partners as they are overly dependent on people around them.They want to be close with friends and partners around them and make their friends and partner the center of their world.

So, among these three patterns of adult relationship, where do you stand? =)

An interesting thing about words and phrases that we use is perhaps semantics. Semantics is defined as the study of how meaning in language is created by the use and interrelationships of words, phrases, and sentences. Dalam kata-kata lain, the meaning of words la. Haha, an example is something my church group was discussing today. We were talking about how life was unfair when an excellent point was raised. Before stating the point, I pose this question to you, the reader. Is God fair?

I know, some of you may not believe in God or the same God that I believe in but think about it objectively for the moment. Think about what the word "fair" means, what is it's connotation?

The answer to that? No, God is NOT fair. Now, before anybody starts stoning me, let me explain, God is NOT fair, however God IS just. The difference between the two is based on based on the meaning of the words.

An illustration to show the difference is this. Suppose you have two people who sit down to eat. To be fair would be to give both equal portions of rice. But suppose that one person can only eat 1/2 a bowl of rice, while the other can eat 2 bowls. To be just would be to give both what they can eat.

In other words, being fair is without reason, you are fair without considering complexity, without taking into account human nature. To be just; however, is to judge and do accordingly with reason and conscience.

Semantics. Interesing ain't it? =p

Most of the time, parents have communication conflict with their children. Either they use language that children do not understand or they do not have the habit of listening to their children at any age. This shows that age-appropriate ways of communication are important to create lasting bonds between parents and their children.

Children aged 2 to 3

• Look directly in their eyes when talking
• Make things clear by speaking in short sentences so that they are able to understand
• Demonstrate what you want them to do as you tell them in order to increase their understanding

Children aged 4 to 5

• Look directly in their eyes when talking
• Be clear when giving them instructions
• Avoid asking them to do more than two things a time
• Encourage them to express their thoughts and feeling, and listen to them

Children aged 6 to 12

• Look directly in their eyes when talking
• Encourage them to articulate more complex thinking patterns
• Encourage them to voice out their ideas and opinions in a clear speech

Teenagers

• Show patient while communicating with them as this is the hardest time for them to open to their parents
• Spend some time communicating with them to build on the bond between each other

I'm Back...my absence is attributed to few factors..one of it is i m too busy because my aunt just did her operation n she admitted to the hospital since last 3 weeks...and everyone in my family was so busy n they r only able too visit her during night time...and my sis n i is the only 2 that able to take care of her because my sis just back from england n she is having her holiday now...so almost everyday after college i have to go hospital to send her food that my the other auntie cook...n her hospital is quite far,she admitted Glen Eagles its at ampang,i stuck in the traffic everyday..my grandparents came her from Kedah to visit my aunt also...but i m glad her operation is successful and she recover quite fast and everything go smoothly...i stil remember the day she had her operation,it was friday and i have no class so we waited at the hospital for her operation to be done,when she just back to her room she couldn't speak but she wanted to because she feel pain and not comfort with her bed...but my sis n i used about few minutes to understand her body laguage ,that time only i realized that bosy language is not easy to be understand,she wanted to tell us that her bed is too high,she wan us to help her to adjust but she used her finger pointed at the pillow because her hand is not so flexible to point at her bed .so my sis guess...is ur pillow to soft?too high?too hard?too low?...we just keep our guess at the pillow,we should think out of the box larh ...hahaha...finally my sis said ..is it because of ur bed?then my aunt answered as in body language...then in the day she actualy wanted to drink water,she wan us to cal nurse..this n that but we always try to guess her bosy language the sign she give...then i realized nonverbal communication occurs...ans the importance of nonverbal communication..without body language we will never able to understand people that couldn't talk...thats all for this post...

Nowadays, we are so busy that we seldom have the time to get to know each neighbors who live next door. Even worst, we as co-workers may be entering the same building everyday or may even ride the same elevator, without even swaying a word more than greeting to each other. This goes on daily in different locations. We tend to cower when it comes to developing positive relationship.

Because we are busy with the demands of our work or community events, we overlook an all-important aspect for building positive relationship easily. We seldom spend our time on a regular basis with people around us that we care for, such as our family members or our friends.Thus, both the parties will lack mutual respect, love, having fun together and encouragement which will drift both the relationship apart.

You would hear people saying that

He says he loves me, but he never shows it

What this particular person is trying to say was that she heard it in words but was not convinced by his lack of action. Love is both an emotion and an action. Neither saying nor showing it alone is not enough. This goes for relationship between employees, colleagues and others.

For others to feel secure in the relationship, we need to express our love, care and concern toward the other party by expressing them in words and actions. Such excpressions are most powerful and convincing whenever they are expressed at anytime.

Une partie très normale de communication est curiosité. Nous communiquons parce que nous voulons découvrir des choses, connu en psychologie comme attribution. Le jeu sur la curiosité a été employé pour des ères, dans la publicité et la conversation journalière. L'inconnu est habituellement une expérience originale. Par exemple, I' ; m faisant une pointe votre curiosité avec ceci, parce que vous ne comprenez pas ce qu'est il. Cependant, quand vous trouvez réellement la traduction, vous pouvez constater que c'est probablement quelque chose que vous savez déjà. Gotcha ! J'ai juste perdu votre temps. Weren' curieux ; t vous ?

Haha, three ways to find out what the above means:

Get a French speaker to translate.
Use an online translator provided here.
Highlight the entire post, you'll find the original translation. (Press Ctrl+A) (For some reason, this blog template doesn't allow viewers to select posts.)

P.S. The online translator isn't exactly reliable though.

A very natural part of communication is curiosity. We communicate because we want to find out things, known in Psychology as attribution. The play on curiosity has been used for eons, in advertising and everyday conversation. The unknown is usually a novel experience. For example, I'm peaking your curiosity with this, because you do not understand what it is. Yet, when you actually find the translation, you may find that this is probably something you already know. Gotcha! I just wasted your time. Curious weren't you?

Hey guys and gals and whoever else stumbles across this blog. My apologies for the lack of an update, my Internet has been down for the last few days. I blame Streamyx. =]
Anyway, on the post number 1!

I present eloquence.

Now, many many times, especially in college, we've gone through what makes a good presentation. Sure, all those factors really are applicable but I would like to present a side that all these lectures don't normally cover. Now the guy above is John Piper, a preacher that was well-known for delivering captivating sermons. At the end of one of his sermons, he shared about eloquence and the benefits that utilizing it can have.:

1. Eloquence—that is, artistic, surprising, provocative, or aesthetically pleasing language—may keep people awake and focused because they find it interesting for reasons they can’t articulate.

2. Eloquence may bring an adversarial mind into greater sympathy with the speaker.

3. Eloquence may have an awakening effect on a person’s heart and mind short of regeneration, but still important in awakening in them emotional sensitivity to beautiful things.

4. Certain kinds of eloquence (cadence, parallelism, meter, rhyme, assonance, consonance) may not only add interest, but also increase impact by helping the memory.

5. The beauty of eloquence can join with the beauty of truth and increase the power of your words.

But I think that while all the factors above are important, nonetheless, a person can be the most eloquent speaker in the world but if the content of his message is useless then we'd feel like we just wasted a whole long time listening to something worthless. So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that the content of the speech matters as must as how we present it. The speech itself is not about the jokes we crack, the gestures we make. Haha, perhaps you could apply this next time you have a presentation. =] God bless!

Researchers have found that one of the biggest reasons for a relationship problems is that we people don't really listen to each other. At least, not with our full attention. Listening to others' point of view takes up a lot of time, energy and effort that most of us are not willing to sacrifice. As we can see, we seen to be naturally born to be impatient with others as well as with life. We spend most of the time and chances we have to express our strong opinions on almost everything under the sun, and rarely listen to others.

These are the barriers to listening:

•Comparing - You hear part of the story and start to compare. For instance, “I
would have make this decision in the first place” or “I wouldn't
make such a thing”

•Judging - You start to judge someone that the other party is talking about
without hearing the third party's point of view. Naturally, you tune
off as you already set your mindset about that person.

•Filtering - Listen to things that interest you only.

•Dreaming - You are half-listening. You are thinking about you own memory
that had been triggered by something the other party said.

•Advising - Try to give a solution or an opinion after a few sentences without
finish hearing all the information. The information you get is not
complete.

•Derailing - Changing the subject as you are bored or uncomfortable with the
subject.

In all these instances, the listener is not giving the other party who is talking his/her full attention and respect.

There are 4 ways for people to interact or communicate: Destructive, Minor-Destructive, Parallel, and Creative. If we consider the productivity that one person can do as 1. And, we let A & B stand for the joint productivity of the two working together.

Then:
Destructive Interaction is when A & B is less than or equal to one. In such an interaction, why interact at all? There is not point to it, since you only destroy the work that the other has created.

Minor-Destructive Interaction is when A & B is greater than one but less than two. In this case, the two of you together are doing less work than you could separately, but you are doing it together. For the sake of interaction, this is a somewhat worthy form of interaction. You are more productive together than if you did the job alone. This does carry certain advantages. For instance, in a deadline is a priority, then working together like this could be productive.

Parallel Interaction is when A & B is equal to two. This means that working together you accomplish the job twice as fast, but take up twice as many workers. Since time is a good consideration, this type of interaction is great for most types of work.

Creative Interaction is when A & B is greater than two. That means that the two of you creating together does a better job than the two of you working separately. You positively help each other and the good parts of the one make up for the bad parts of the other. This is clearly the kind of interaction which people hope for.

Labels: Ken yen

Communication is so very important in relationships, all types of relationships, not just romantic relationships. And the communication includes both the verbal and nonverbal varieties.

A relationship is a connection and exchange between people. Communication plays a large role in the exchange between people. It exchanges information in the form of ideas, wants, desires, feelings, and much more. Incomplete or stopped communication can create a block in the relationship. The degree of the block can vary with the severity or repeating of the communication stop. A block in the relationship exists or will grow when communication is just flat out avoided.

A childhood covenant that I made was to avoid upsetting other people. Now this did not always give me good behavior. Instead, it got me to avoid communicating any topics that I perceived would upset someone else. However, in adult relationships, this behavior only avoided the hard issues that people have to work through for the relationship to be healthy and to grow.

A communication avoidance or stop will prevent that topic from being shared and gone through. When enough of these areas build up or a couple important ones develop, it behaves as if there were clamps on the lungs of the relationship. The relationship has trouble breathing. Without this exchange of life energy, the relationship cannot grow, it may struggle, and if it is severe enough, then the relationship suffers and dies. The relationship can be considered to be a living entity just as each one of us are living. There has to be a continuous flow of energy through each and every living entity. The flow is between each partner of the relationship and between the relating partners and the environment. Just as in an individual body, when the energy is blocked or stopped, a disease or illness starts to develop. The key for a healthy and growing relationship is to keep the communications flowing.

Communication can be stopped in a variety of ways. Avoidance was already mentioned. If both partners avoid the same subject, then it will never arise in conversation. If only one is avoiding the subject, they might just stop the conversation when that topic comes up. This is usually obvious. They might also divert the conversation and depending on their skill, this can be obvious or it can be done without notice. In either case, that aspect of the relationship that reflects that subject will cease to move. However, if the other partner notices the diversion or avoidance, then the interpretations or stories that the person puts on the avoidance can magnify the effect. And some people are good at creating some very negative interpretations for minor events. Nonverbal communication can be even trickier. People put a lot of communication into nonverbal forms. This is especially true when people are approaching new romantic situations. Many people are not comfortable verbalizing enough of the romantic details. So the approach to romance is mostly through nonverbal signals. However, when the flow is broken, if the reason is not sufficiently verbalized, (such as, "I would love to ..., but right now because of ...) then the break is often taken as a permanent "no" or stop. This is why many people feel that they have only one chance as they enter a new relationship. If you recognize that you are having difficulty in starting a communication topic, there are a variety of ways to get it going. If you can't say what you need to, you may be able to write it instead. If you can't approach a person directly, you can enlist the help of another friend to bring up the topic in front of the write person. You can also arrange items or events to cause a discussion of the appropriate topic. Sometimes you cannot talk about something because it got labeled as something to not talk about, so you don't talk about it at all with anyone. In this case, if you can find someone to tell, it will help to remove the power that item holds over you. It will usually be easier to tell someone who is removed from the subject. You can tell a stranger in a bar, a priest in a confessional, or a room of strangers in a therapy workshop. Whatever gets the flow moving is good and will reduce the power of that item.

However, once a stuck item is nudged, then other communications or actions may be required to keep the energy of the release of the subject continuing. You have to pay attention to see what is needed. However, paying attention is an important half of communication. Communication is part giving and part receiving. Both parts are necessary by both partners for good communications. Some people are good listeners and some are good talkers, but both partners have to do both for complete and effective communication. Communications can be stopped on both sides, by avoidance of the giving or telling, and by avoidance of the receiving. Attention has to be given to both sides of communication to insure that the communication remains completed by both partners and that stops or blocks are addressed and released to allow the relationship to grow in a healthy fashion.

Labels: Ken yen

Communication barrier occurs between people of different culture or religion background, and so do a relationship.Most of us probably wouldn't want to fall in love with a person from a different culture or religion background differ from us. However, what happen is something like this happens to you? How will you react to this situation? Can you imagine that?

Jen has an unrequited love for Sheryl and this is consoled through his own wishful thinking. It took him three months to realize his feeling for Sheryl, and took him half a year to accept the fact that he has fallen for a girl from a different culture or religion background. Later, he gathered his courage to confess his feelings to Sheryl, and just to receive a rejection in the end. So, what's the problem here?(You know well)

I spoke to Sheryl a few weeks ago through the phone. She asked me: “if today is the last day on earth, what would you do? I mean, IF.”“For me, I would probably phone Jen and tell him the truth that I have always loved him.”This is what Sheryl told me .

I believe there are people who faced this problem just like Sheryl. Frankly speaking, why only would the issue of different culture or religion background being put aside if today is the last day on earth? I think this is because if this day will to be come, the only thing in one's mind is to not have any regret.Therefore, neither the different between culture or religion background nor communication barrier is an issue.During that moment, one will be honest about his/her feeling towards the other party. Confession will be the last words they share with each other until their last breaths.

Will that be too late? Even during the worst situation, things seems to look better when you have wishful thinking. It doesn't matter whether today is the last day on earth or not, at least these people will be less afraid of it.

Japanese Human Art - Why Is My Girlfriend Mad? - Watch more amazing videos here

This as an awesome video with creative effect that multiple people perform together to form a skid of a girlfriend going crazy on her poor boyfriend.The video will take you back in time and show you the reason that she was mad.

Enjoy the show!!!

I was having this rather interesting conversation with my mom the other day about friends and people that we care about in our lives. She raised this very very interesting point that made me go "Oooohohhhh, never thought about it that way before." What was this point you may ask? Simple, she said this: Communication is an essential part of caring for another. While that thought has been running around in my head for a very long time, I've never actually been able to put it into words. Why isit that we have best friends and girlfriends and boyfriends and whatnot, and what leads to the formation and subsequent (possible) deterioration of these relationships? Communication of course! It is indeed a simple baseline, we cannot care for somebody with which we cannot communicate.

At the same time, I guess I'm going through a communication breakdown, I've found it's all to easy to misunderstand and assume that something means what it isn't. Simultaneously, this very situation has been tiring me out as having to tread so carefully while watching both verbal and non-verbal language is exhausting. Whew.

After helping my aunt to babysit my two “beloved”cousins for the whole afternoon, I figured out that communication barrier do exist between people of different age especially people who are much more younger or older than you. My cousins are between the age of 2 to 4. So, as you can image, I really had a hard time with them. My job to babysit them was not easy, and apparently, it was a total chaos!

Children are born with curiosity . Well, at least both my cousins are curious about anything around them, They kept on asking me questions that I couldn't answered (actually I haven't think about those questions before) and my mind was totally blank at that moment. However, I felt it necessary to answer their questions so I tried hard to explain to them by making my answer easier for them to understand (I think). But, they returned me a puzzle look which indicate that my effort was down to the drain.

Unfortunately, I still have to find a way to communicate with them. So, I showed interest in what their were saying and gave some respond. Then, I got a “look” that immediately stopped the conversation. They looked at me as if I am from planet Mars.(Did I said something wrong? Why were they looking at me with those face expression?) Communicating with children sometimes can be a tough job. Or maybe, I didn't get the real idea of what they were saying after all.

After a total silence for two minutes, I didn't feel like talking anymore.So I left their conversation and did my own things.An hour later, they approached me with a question and showed interest in knowing the answer. One of my cousins asked me, “Which come first, the chicken or the egg?” I was in a complete loss and did not know what to answer. I believe my biology lecturer (Mr.Andrew) will not be able to answer this question.( I would like to get an answer from him some day)

People, raise your hands if you have been told that communication skills are really, really important and essential in job hunting. Hundreds! “Excellent”. Many believe that if you can't communicate, you are doomed and you can't get the job you want. Humiliated, you will be “send”out“politely”without even a cup of coffee.

If you had approached carrier counselors for carrier advice, you will notice that they lay stress on the importance of communication. Even your parents insist you to speak properly. According to the survey, the qualities employers want most from the workers are first thing first, communication skill followed by teamwork skill and management skill. Basically, employers in the hiring process will have a mindset of “I want communicators”. Thus, if a job candidate is a terrible communicator, then he will be disappointed for not getting that job although he has a particular talent as he doesn't has the chance to prove himself.

Companies are very obsessed with the hunt for good communicators, and job candidate lose out as they can't even blurt out a coherent sentence or fail to make the employers understand what they are trying to express during a job interview. There is a saying that “Life doesn't own you a living”. Apparently, this is true. Thus, if you want to get your dream job, you will need to sharpen your communication skills which will lead you to your job and ascend the corporate ladder. Otherwise, you are doomed to stay in a holding pattern.

So, what is the moral of the story? Do not bury your talent because you are a “communication idiot”. You may want to attend training seasons and start to play golf. What?! “Yes I say start to play golf”. Get yourself some golf clubs, and board the corporate jet. The reason behind this is, most of the people especially business man are actually spending most of their time communicating with each other when they are playing golf. Therefore, as time passes, your communication skills will definitely improve.

Don't believe me? Then give it a try.

Woohoo, double post! *jumps around* Yea, sorry, Mr. M, blog's been kind of neglected. XD Alright, here's a picture for you guys:

Wow, eye-catching huh? Taking a look at the rather bland and monotone blog, it struck me. What catches people's attention? What makes them stop, take a second look and go, "Woah".
Well, a few factors that snags others attention.

First and foremost of course is the fact that anything extraordinary will watch people's attention. Something that stands out, for example, these colourful lights amid the monotone colours.
Another example is by using something that people won't normally shrug off. Human nature is to usually overlook things that we dub as normal or commonplace. Using a word such as "Quinceañera" on a birthday card is sure to catch attention as people won't understand what it means.
Another way of course, is to relate on a level people will understand. If you as a speaker, begin lecturing about quantum physics in a Markeing lecture, you'll find that the people in your audience will very quickly lose attention as they won't know what you're talking about.

I guess to summarize, to catch others' attention, be different, stand out. Yea, ciao peeps. =]

Gosh, I say we really need to change the colour of the blog, it's so depressing. Plus everything being in black and white? Haha.. Anyway, not really sure if this is related to Human Communication but decided to post it up anyway. It was just something I came was thinking about, I posted it on my own blog as well.

I've never really thought of being vulnerable, but when I think about it, to actually confide in another person about matters of the heart is actually opening oneself up to vulnerability. To quote Human Comm, self-disclosure in that sense. When we tell others about ourselves, and when I say matters of the heart, I really do not mean just our lovelife, (=.=) we are opening ourselves up to the other person. It takes a great deal of trust to be able to do something like that because everytime we do, we risk being hurt by the other person's indifference. It's a very big compliment when somebody trusts you enough to tell you what's on their minds and in their hearts so do NOT take it lightly. God knows, there are enough people in the world hurt my callousness or indifference.